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YOUR CORRESPONDENT UNDERSTANDS THAT A FAMILY COURT JUDGE IN NEW ZEALAND HAS ORDERED THE PARENTS OF A NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL whom they named "Talula Does the Hula from Hawai'i" to turn same over to child-welfare agencies there until such time as a new (and more "approriate") name could be found therefor.

How would she look with a name like that on, say, MySpace, Facebook or similar?

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PERHAPS THIS WAS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO ANNOUNCE WHERE THOSE AMONG YOU AS ARE FANS OF WISCONSIN DELLS now have their very own online social-networking community they can call their own.

Created by none other than Your Correspondent, who calls this venture "DellsSpace" by name and stylee--and invites all with any sort of connexion whatsoever to the Waterpark Capital to make their presence known in the Information Stuporban's very own take on MySpace.

Complete with opportunities for sharing photos, music, even setting up their own weblog, if so preferred.

And it's FREE.

So feel free to see what DellsSpace is like for yourself. And if you like it, make your place in DellsSpace.

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HOW ISLAMOPHOBES--ESPECIALLY THOSE INVOKING THE BANNER OF TRUE PATRIOT LOVE IN ALL THY SONS COMMAND TO EXCUSE SAME--would react to the following is anybody's guess.

Especially when you consider where the same:

1. was issued by the Advertising Standards Authority in Great Britain, as it was seen between Land's End and John O'Groats on the satellite network GEO TV; and
2. both the broadcaster (GEO TV) and the advertiser (As-Salaam Halal Foods) are based in what certain scions of England's Green and Pleasant Land still call "the colonies," otherwise known as the United States):

Ad
A young girl presented an As-Salaam food ad on GEO TV that stated "Hi kids, what a nutritious and healthy news. As-Salaam now launches very delicious and 100% halal snacks: try our chicken nuggets, chicken strips, chicken patties, beef burger patties, chicken and beef hot dogs, smoked turkey slices, beef patties, beef bologna, beef salami, turkey breakfast slices and beef breakfast slices.  Now we can really enjoy our healthy snacks with 100% satisfaction.  Thank you Al Salam." The ad ended with several young children eating the products.

Issue
Monitoring staff challenged whether:

1. the ad misleadingly implied that the As-Salaam products were healthy and nutritious; and
   
2. the ad was targeted directly at primary school children.

Response
1.  GEO TV did not comment but submitted the nutritional information for each product.

2.  GEO TV maintained that, because the As-Salaam products were not available in the UK, the rules did not apply.

Assessment
1. Upheld
The ASA considered that the ad presented the As-Salaam products as healthy and nutritious snacks.  We understood that most of their products contained very high levels of sodium.  We noted that GEO TV had not substantiated the claim that the As-Salaam products were nutritious and healthy.  We considered that the ad had given a misleading impression of the health benefits of the As-Salaam products.

The ad breached CAP (Broadcast) TV Advertising Standards Code rule 8.3.1 (a) Accuracy in food advertising.

2.  Upheld
We noted GEO TV held an Ofcom licence and was required under the conditions of that licence to comply with the CAP (Broadcast) TV Advertising Standards Code.  We considered that the unavailability of the product in the UK did not mean the rules did not apply.  Although GEO TV did not confirm that they were, we understood that most of the products were high in fat,salt or sugar (HFSS).  We considered that the young presenter coupled with the introductory statement "Hi kids, what a nutritious and healthy news ... try our ... beef salami ... Now we can really enjoy our healthy snacks with 100% satisfaction" directly targeted primary school children with an ad for HFSS products.

The ad breached CAP (Broadcast) TV Advertising Standards Code rule 8.3.1 (c) Accuracy in food advertising.

Action
We concluded that the ad must not be shown again in its present form and that the products should not be advertised without adequate substantiation for the claims made.

Which, in its turn, begs the question of how high-sodium foods can be considered not only "nutritious and healthy," but also halal--the Muslim equivalent of the Jewish kosher, in case you ask (meaning, in any case, "fit, acceptable").

(In any case, you should have no trouble finding As-Salaam products in your local halal supermarket--which may require some effort trying to locate outside major metropolitan areas with substantial Muslim populations, notably New York, Chicago, Detroit, the Twin Cities and Los Angeles. And if any of you readers manage to come across any of the As-Salaam products in question with an eye towards trying same, let me know what you think of them in the Comments section.)