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LATEST TASTELESS WEAPON IN THE ARSENAL OF THE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANG'S INDECISION 2008 CAMPAIGN: A "winning-of-hearts-and-minds" TV advert seeking to compare Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama with the ilk of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as discussed by The Carpetbagger Report here.

Your Correspondent would like to suggest, in response, an ad in much the same vein as above, only comparing John McCain to those "Four Freaks from Iowa," as The New York Times referred to The Cherry Sisters in a review of their performance @ Hammerstein's Olympia in late 1896--an act of desperation on the part of impresario Oscar Hammerstein, who was facing substantial debts after a string of none-too-successful flops prompted him to take a bet on a rather awful act as was making a name and repute across the floorboards of the Midwest by way of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Which, as it turned out, paid off Hammerstein's outstanding debts after just twelve days in spite of the generally bad reviews received.

And yet none more legendary than that of Billy Hamilton of Iowa's Odebolt Chronicle of February 17, 1898, eventually gaining wide circulation and inspiring the legal case Cherry Sisters v. Des Moines Leader, establishing the legal doctrine that journalists have the right of fair review.

In Billy Hamilton's words, under headline of "The Cherries Were Here:"

When the curtain went up on Wednesday evening of last week the Cherries saw a good-natured audience, large enough to fatten their exchequer to the extent of $35, net.

The audience saw three creatures surpassing the witches in Macbeth in general hideousness.

Effie is an old jade of 50 summers, Jessie a frisky filly of 40, and Addie, the flower of the family, a capering monstrosity of 35. Their long, skinny arms, equipped with talons at the extremities, swung mechanically, and soon were waved frantically at the suffering spectators. The mouths of their rancid features opened like caverns and sounds like the wailings of damned souls issued therefrom. They pranced around the stage with a motion that suggested a cross between the danse du ventre and a fox trot, strange creatures with painted faces and hideous mien. Effie is spavined, Addie is knock-kneed and stringhalt, and Jessie, the only one who showed her stockings, has legs without calves, as classic in their outlines as the curves of a broom handle. The misguided fellows who came to see a leg show got their money's worth, for they never saw such limbs before and never will again--outside of a boneyard.

The first glimpse of the Cherries was worth the price of admission. One shriek of laughter swept over the house. Not even in the woods around Sac City, nor in the wilds of Monona county, could three such raw and rank specimens of womanhood be found. The men howled and the women shook with merriment. There were no vegetables thrown, but there was lots of talk. It would take the sisters six weeks to answer the questions that were fired at them. At intervals Effie and Addie would jaw back and threaten to stop the show, but the boys never let up. When Jessie came out in her bare feet many solicitous inquiries were made about the condition of her corns, and she was freely advised to trim her toenails. And such feet! No instep, flat …….and Z wide. Jessie, however, is not sensitive. She calmly went on with her part, evidently considering her feet her "strong" suit.

Finally the program came to an end and the audience left, well satisfied, as a rule, although some who had never heard of the Cherries before were angry because the noise prevented them from hearing the girls.

The Cherries honestly believe that they are giving an entertainment surpassing anything on the stage, and that their audiences hoot them because they can't appreciate true merit. They have been systematically stuffed by every manager who has engaged them with the notion that they are away up. If they were not stuck on themselves no money could induce them to stand the jeering they get. But having salted down $60,000 in the bank and purchased several large farms with the proceeds of their foolishness they are willing to keep it up as long as they can make it pay. Their personal characters are above reproach; they are virtuous both from necessity and choice, as any one will conclude at sight of them. The most skilful [sic] impersonator would find it impossible to burlesque the Cherry girls. They are nature's own raw material, unique and inimitable.