YOUR CORRESPONDENT UNDERSTANDS THERE'S AN ANNUAL RACE BETWEEN MAN AND HORSE every year somewhere in Wales, which began as a pub argument over who would be the faster if the two ran against each other.

Perhaps the promoter of the annual man-v.-horse race may not have been aware of the frequent exhibitions in the 1930's in which the great Jesse Owens (as in he who made Schicklgruber furious @ the 1936 Berlin Nazilympics because Owens was of colour, anathema to what the Nazis had in mind about an "Aryan Master Race") was said to have outrun a horse more often than no.

WELLLL--!!!

Your Correspondent was thinking @ some length about the prospect about having Silver (The Lone Ranger's faithful steed, if you still recall the radio and/or TV permutations thereof) and/or Scout (that of his Faithful Indian Companion, Tonto) taking the equine role in that annual exercise in silly-season excess.

Or, for that matter, Red Ryder's black steed Thunder.

But then again, there's always the risk that such specimens of equine speed from "the arrogant American colonies" might be seen as having an unfair advantage.

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ON THE OTHER HAND, IT MIGHT BE EQUALLY INTERESTING TO IMAGINE what it would be like to have Silver racing against The Black Beauty, streamlined car of The Green Hornet (which everybody knew was the secret identity of Britt Reid, crusading publisher of The Daily Sentinel in his relentless mission against the forces of crime, evil, vice and corruption, with his faithful valet Kato helping more often than no).

Especially when you consider that both The Lone Ranger and The Green Hornet were created by the same man (George W. Trendle) for Detroit radio station WXYZ ... who let it be known on more than one occasion that Britt Reid was really grand-nephew of Dan Reid (the true name of The Lone Ranger), the fact of which the former noted in @ least one episode of The Green Hornet's radio version when he took note of a photograph of his grand-nephew in Lone Ranger getup, astride Silver, in his office @ the Daily Sentinel.

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AND SPEAKING OF HE WHO "HUNTS THE BIGGEST OF ALL GAME--PUBLIC ENEMIES WHO TRY TO DESTROY OUR AMERICA!!!", as was the opening message of every episode of The Green Hornet, perhaps one who deserves his painful sting more than anything is none other than Michael Savage "himself."

Savage's homophobic, Islamophobic and xenophobic tendencies deserve a good dose of what The Green Hornet has to offer.

Or, failing that--especially if Mr. Savage has this martyr complex that's been suggested--bring in The Shadow ("Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"), who can manage to butt into The Savage Nation when his poor, undereducated and easily-influenced listeners least expect it. Credit that to The Shadow's hypnotic powers to cloud mens' minds so they cannot see him when they least expect it.

Thereupon prompting Michael Savage to go into a loud, toilet-mouthed barrage which The Shadow quickly retorts in the stylee of his radio days (along with the inevitable reminder that The Shadow is invisible and, hence, Mr. Savage cannot see The Shadow in physical form, let alone hear his stentorian pipes) ... only before too long, Michael Savage suffers a Fatal Heart Attack in studio, with The Shadow breaking the news (and his faithful companion, Margot Lane--who is the only one to know that The Shadow is really the playboy Lamont Cranston--rejoicing all the more).

If not The Shadow--then how about The Green Lama?