"SAINTS PRESERVE US, MR. KEEN" DEPARTMENT: Your Correspondent got to thinking the other day over a milder gem of "blooper" from the late Kermit Schaefer's collections as were collected on record as came from an episode of the long-running radio drama Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons as opened (following, as per usual, the show's theme "Someday I'll Find You"):

"We now bring you 'Mr. Keen, Loser of Traced Persons.'"

And Another Thing:

Considering where the principal characters of Mr. Keen and his assistant Clancy had Irish brouges, it might be interesting to enquire, based solely on accent alone, what part of The Auld Sod the characters may have come from.

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SINCE WHEN DID HOMOSEXUALITY SUDDENLY BECOME ONE WITH "SCHIZOPHRENIC GERMS"? Notwithstanding the 1973 pronouncement of the American Psychiatric Association that homosexuality was no longer to be seen as a Loathsome Mental Aberration and Disorder, there are still some (especially among the amen-snorter crowd and their target audience of poor, undereducated and easily-influenced trailer trash) who argue that homosexuality is a Mental Aberration.

Not to mention a Clear and Present Danger to the Antient and Pecuilar Soverignty and Soverign Identity of the United States of America, with attendant risks for same being "unwittingly and unsconsciously usurped" into the so-called "New World Order" under United Nations suzerainity.

Which begs some interesting questions as are worth asking your local religiopolitical homophobe, or such politicos pushing homophobia as an article of faith vis-a-vis American Soverign Identity for Indecision 2008:

• What exactly prevents your recognising the American Psychiatric Association's 1973 statement that homosexuality no longer qualified as a Mental Aberration and Disorder, setting aside the inevitable invocation of Holy Scripture and Writ?
• In how many instances do you know of in which homosexuals are still in psychiatric hospitals, the American Psychiatric Association notwithstanding? Were court proceedings under relevant State laws involved? Was there the likelihood of "homosexuality" really being a patsy for more serious mental disorders the family was unwitting to acknowledge openly? Was hearsay evidence (otherwise technically inadmissable) and/or perjured testimony involved in said hearings?
• How many such homosexuals are from lower-income or otherwise working-class backgrounds? How many such were from families with histories of what you would call "chronic and habitual dependency" upon State welfare?
• Can you prove a connexion between welfare dependency and increased risk of "homosexual tendencies" in children?
• How many such homosexuals are receiving treatment regimens inapproriate to their condition, including medications, shock therapy and other questionable techniques (including your beloved "reparation therapy")?
• How many such homosexuals have had requests for release or discharge Against Medical Advice denied? Were such denials based on "clear and present danger to the community," howbeit lacking credible evidence to substantiate?
• Are we to follow that homosexuality should be looked upon in the same league as "schizophrenic germs"--as some class of a sham "disease" created out of thin are "just to keep people scared" and to reinforce primitive patriotic feelings?
• Can you name specific examples of instances in which "our antient and pecuilar soverignty and soverign identity" is being compromised as a direct consequence of homosexuals and homosexuality? Have you any valid substantiation, or what prevents your disclosing same @ this time--"orders from my superiors," perhaps?
• How many other "developed" nations do you know of in which homosexuals are subject to officially-sanctioned fear, loathing and contempt? What could the United States thus learn? Or are we to follow that the United States is the world, and vice versa?
• Are you now, or have you ever been:
  • an alcoholic?
  • addicted to, or otherwise dependent upon, narcotic, hallucinogenic or otherwise habit-forming drugs?
  • a sex fiend, perverto or addict?
  • a "john" (one who frequents women of easy virtue on a regular basis)?
  • a chronic and habitual gambler?
  • a sufferer of certain loathsome diseases or disorders (especially such affecting the mental faculties)?
  • associated with weird and/or unwholesome elements contrary to the peace, safety and good order of the community (including criminal gangs and syndicates, racists, white supremacists and bigots)?
  • imprisoned for a misdemeanor offense?
  • committed involuntarily to a psychiatric institution?
• Have you a police record?
• Have you sought 12-Step or similar treatment?

(I admit where some of the questions @ the end are set-ups; historically, police and the courts have questioned the credibility of certain persons with criminal or otherwise questionable backgrounds as reliable witnesses or informants.)

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CHILD ABUSE TAKEN TO A NEW AND EXCITING LOW: Your Correspondent understands where a mother in suburban Sydney, Australia was arrested by the police recently for being in an illegal highway drag race while her children were in the car with her.

I just hope it isn't common practice among the Lower Classes, even if the defence is one of "building character."

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NO WONDER SOME CONSERVATIVES STILL HAVE THIS DELUSION ABOUT AMERICAN CULTURE BEING "MORALLY SUPERIOR," AND THEN SOME: With the Pseudoreligiopolitical Right's known objections to pornography as a Threat to Morals, Decency and Family Values, not to mention their warped delusions of Branson, Missouri's music shows being the defining acid test of Amerikanischer Realkultur, the following "WaiWai" item from Japan's Mainichi Daily News (notwithstanding a general want of credibility, in common with the Japanese gutter press as is source material for the department) could well be insightful into what cultural conservatives would love to see imposed upon America:

Over 100 days have passed since the ethics body supposed to make sure Japan's direct-to-video adult movies didn't get too dirty was raided on suspicion of proliferating obscene materials, but the status of the industry remains up in the air, according to Weekly Playboy (12/24-31).

When the Nihon Ethics of Video Association (Biderin) was raided on Aug. 23, many feared it would spell the end to the ultra-thin digital mosaics superimposed on private parts to circumvent Japan's ban on the public display of genitalia.But it hasn't quite turned out that way and the industry remains waiting on tenterhooks before deciding how to proceed.

"Ever since the raid, association employees have been called in for questioning for hours at a time by the police regardless of the time of day, even weekends," an adult video production company insider tells Weekly Playboy. "I'd say it's having a direct effect on the association's work."

Biderin was at one stage running the risk of becoming irrelevant. Independent makers were coming out with racy material that flaunted the genital display law and didn't even bother to get Biderin's certification. As these makers gained popularity, Biderin responded by relaxing its rules, allowing makers to display previously blanked out anuses and pubic hair. And that's when the raid happened. Now, the adult video industry is waiting to see whether Biderin will be punished and they'll be forced to tone down the materials they produce.

"At the moment, Biderin and makers who were pinpointed by the police haven't been either charged or let off, so we don't know what way things are gonna turn out," an adult video magazine editor tells Weekly Playboy. "Even so, some of Biderin's member makers continue producing videos, some of which are incredibly filthy. And it's not like the companies that were raided have particularly toned down the material they're coming out with, either."

Some adult video makers are not waiting, though. Over 30 companies joined together in November to form their own ethics organization, VSIC, an acronym for Video Software Contents Industrial Cooperative. VSIC has already taken a hard line in the standards it applies, banning makers from displaying objects being inserted into the anus--which had previously been regarded as acceptable to show on screen--and also outlawing bondage and discipline tactics from being showed in movies that do not have an S&M theme throughout.

Also changing in the wake of the raid on Biderin have been adult video covers.

"Packaging has become a hell of a lot less provocative. Some video covers regularly featured pictures of hardcore sex scenes, but there is a trend away from that now," the magazine boss tells Weekly Playboy. "But rather than this being a result of the raid on Biderin, I think this has probably come in response from nervous retailers who don't want to have video packages that go overboard."

IT LOOKS AS IF RON PAUL'S PRESIDENTIAL ASPIRATIONS are about to become toast: CNN has picked up on the story, first reported on by The New Republic earlier in the week, about Libertarian-turned-GOP Presidential longshot Ron Paul lending out his name to a succession of newsletters in the late 1980's and well into the 1990's as were replete with appeals to racism/White Supremacy, xenophobia, homophobia, nativism, producerism and worse.

(For his part, Mr. Paul denies any responsibility for the remarks in question, notwithstanding where many of the articles in the newsletters in question lacked bylines or signatures, let alone Ron Paul's name appearing in the title and masthead.

(The which, no doubt, raises some questions most interesting by way of The Huffington Post.)

=============

In any case:

With Ron Paul denying all claims of racist and bigoted views in newsletters published under his name, how do we know that he didn't resort to, say, licencing his name out to some hatemongering newsletter publisher, with Mr. Paul collecting licencing royalties all along (and keeping quiet about the racist tone of said newsletters as part of the licencing agreement)?

If this be the case, such might be a rather clumsy back-door approach to avoid attracting initial attention to Ron Paul's name being attached to racist propaganda.

Remember when Henry Ford used his Dearborn Independent to push anti-Semitic propaganda?

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THE GOP'S "DIRTY TRICKS" DEPARTMENT could be preparing for a whole go-round of sadisto attacks through the electoral silly season on such bloggers suspected of being "treasonous" or otherwise "disloyal" through especially force, fear and even the old "night and fog" act.

All protected by lettres de cachet issued by highly-secretive operatives within the GOP, not to mention plans to evacuate those involved to some offshore jurisdiction in case the blogosphere "starts getting suspicious."

Their inspiration? Chinese goon squads beating blogger Wei Wenhua to his death when he tried to record with his cameraphone scenes of corruption and inefficency among municipal officials in Hubei province for the sake of his blog.

Already, the incident has produced serious repercussions within China's tightly-controlled blogosphere: Many bloggers across China have condemned the incident and the excesses of power and corruption such sought to protect. Typical was the blog Northeast News, which commented thusly:

It's no longer news that urban administrators enforce the law with violence***[b]ut now someone has been beaten to death on site. It has brought us not surprise, but unspeakable anger.  

As well, one city official connected to the incident was sacked, another 24 are in police custody and close to 100 others are being sought.

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MEANWHILE, ON TAIWAN, still seen by Beijing as a "renegade province" whose claims to antient and pecuilar soverignty are highly dubious, elections for a new, downsized legislature (the better, we understand, to reduce the risks of corruption and abuses of power by legislators) have led to a substantial victory for the opposition Kuomintang (KMT) Party, whose articles of faith calling for improved ties between Taipei and Beijing are likely to put them in serious odds with the ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP).

Not a very easy prospect, especially when you consider the KMT's legacy of corruption, abuses of power, contempt for civil rights and cronyism as prevailed during its 1949-80 monopoly on power.

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ANOTHER FORGERY FROM HIS FRAUDULENCY'S GREAT WITHIN as could, under the right conditions, be used to provoke expanding the ur-RAHOWA's Iraqi Front into Iran, could best describe United States naval vessels in the Arabian Gulf being "confronted" by Iranian-flagged speedboats earlier this past week.

Only now, the Official Version of this "confrontation" is coming undone and being exposed as nothing more than PSYOPS (psychological operations) gone haywire--aided and abetted by voice-manipulation technology which @ least one online reporter has suggested could explain all manner of "Usama bin-Laden Tapes" showing up from time to time since 9/11, released "just to keep people scared" and whip up the most primitive in patriotic feelings.

Now, it turns out that a legendary Gulf Region heckler by name of "The Filipino Monkey," (in)famous for obscenity-laden taunts on marine-radio frequencies in the Straits of Hormuz since the "Tanker Wars" of the mid-1980's, may have been behind the whole misadventure. (BTW, Filipino guest workers are employed on construction and infrastructure projects in the Arabian Gulf region, especially so in the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain.)

Say, could it be likely that "The Filipino Monkey" may also be a fiction in the "keeping people scared" department?

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OVERZEALOUS INTERPRETATION AS A PROPAGANDA WEAPON is a favourite among especially the religiopatriotic crowd trying to explain to The Great Unwashed the Greater Significance of certain recent events.

Unlikely candidate in this vein:

Wildlife officials in Alaska coming across the filthy and injury-laden carcasses of 19 American bald eagles from a flock of 50 as had converged on a truck carrying away fish-cannery offal, with fighting and related injuries ensuing. The dead birds had been sucked into the morass during the avian donnybrooke--sucked in so deep, in fact, that they wound up too filthy to fly away.

The remaining 31 were taken to a makeshift rehabilitation facility for cleaning and rehabilitation; however, wildlife officials are not holding out any hope for any of them lasting much longer.

IN OTHER WORDS, THE SUBJECT LINE OF THIS MESSAGE is to let you know that Your Correspondent has reached the 57th posting--as in Heinz 57 Varieties.

"Beanz Meanz Heinz" has long been a well-known ad slogan between Land's End and John O'Groats, and Your Correspondent thought such would be a cute segue into this reminder.

Now you know.

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WHEN THE BROOKLYN DODGERS LEFT FOR LOS ANGELES IN 1957, many thought that Brooklyn would wind up losing that sense of notoriety guaranteed to earn cheap laughs in Peoria or Dubuque.

The kind as led Brooklynites, from Red Hook to Brighton Beach, Greenpoint to Sea Gate, to be considered eccentrics in the much the same spirit as led them to nickname their beloved Dodgers "Dem Bums."

Looks like Brooklyn may be earning that sort of je ne sais quoi as inspired the term "Philadelphia lawyer" in referring to such with a notoriety for exploiting all manner of legal loopholes in especially infamous criminal cases, yet staying one step ahead of the Bar Association's Ethics Committee.

I say this because quite a number of cut-price online camera stores as operate on the Information Stuporbahn turn out to be in Brooklyn. You know--the sort as can be found on eBay or similar who resort to shady and questionable tactics to sell you what turns out being "gray market" goods, if @ all. (As in merchandise technically intended for sale overseas, the fact of which must be disclosed to consumers up front--not usually the case, as it turns out, especially when you notice the instruction manual being in Japanese or Korean, for example.)

(That, and using high-pressure sales tactics to strongarm you into buying all manner of accessories after some order representative calls you back a day or so after placing the order online, telling you that the price you were quoted was for the camera only, not for add-ons like flash units, batteries, memory cards, usw.)

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TO FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF WHAT I MEAN, Don Wiss has taken it upon himself to document the "real" addresses of numerous Brooklyn Online Camera Stores photographically--and has posted the photographs thereof on this webpage for your enlightenment and edification.

As you can see, quite a number of these Brooklyn Online Camera Stores seem to be located, for the most part, along Coney Island Avenue, with a few outposts thereof around Nostrand Avenue, Lee Avenue in South Williamsburg, Avenue U and Gravesend Neck Road. Many such have warehouses located in Red Hook or (in one instance) the Brooklyn Army Depot, and, for the most part, will really be nothing more than mail drops such as FedEx Kinko's, The UPS Store, Mail Boxes Etc., or similar.

Some such "online camera stores" have been known to operate from addresses which turn out to be private residences, plasma-collection centres and, in one instance, a glatt kosher delicatessen. A few have addresses just inside Queens from Brooklyn, and many have their "real" addresses over in New Jersey, some in close proximity to the Bada-Bing Club (or so rumoured).

As Brooklyn boy Chester A. Riley would put it, "what a revoltin' development this is for Brooklyn!!!"

*************

IT LOOKS AS IF THE AFGHAN FRONT IN THE UR-RAHOWA AGAINST INTERNATIONAL TERRORISM may have something new to deal with in the Threats to Morals and Decency Department:

Around Mazar al-Sharif, in the north of Afghanistan, efforts among local authorities to eradicate opium-poppy cultivation have led some farmers out that way to switch over to--don't laugh--marijuana as a viable cash crop, what with local soils and climate not quite apropos to more conventional grains and, instead, more suited to narcotics and other habit-forming substances.

Especially when you stop and consider where marijuana extracts can be processed into hashish, a more potent form of Mary Jane which has the consistency of Play-doh that translates into added value for such Afghani farmers willing to take the risk. Add to that the rather rugged terrain thereabouts around Mazar al-Sharif as is rather attractive for smugglers trying to export the marijuana and hashish to European-based criminal syndicates for onward distribution via Iran or Tadjikistan.

The whole operation protected by militias or tribal warriors sympathetic to the now-disgraced Taliban or even (shock! horror!!) the Iranian Revolutionary Guards, all the while turning the blind eye to such sinister goings-on as more conventional Muslims would consider to be haram (forbidden).

In other words, Afghani farmers are being forced to give up on one obviously illicit cash crop (opium poppies) and start cultivating another (marijuana, with its added-value derivatives of hashish and hashish oil), saying all the while that the soil can't support more traditional crops.

Perhaps the NATO forces in Afghanistan might want to arrange for sending over some soil and agricultural experts into those same regions as are infamous for opium-poppy and marijuana production and do some soil tests to confirm for themselves that not much in the way of cereal grains can be cultivated in and around Mazar al-Sharif. Even if the drive from Kabul can turn out to be an adventure under even more conventional conditions, what with frequent sharp turns, lack of guardrails on steep cliffs, heavy snowfall in the winter that can disrupt travel for days and a tunnel rather notorious for its narrowness as much as lack of proper ventilation, so explaining the hazy and smoggy conditions (enhanced by the aroma of low-grade diesel fuel) frequently encountered by motorists who brave the journey as translate into headaches and nausea, aggravated by the high altitudes and thin air. 

SO MUCH FOR THE LITTLE OLD LADY FROM DUBUQUE: Article II, section 5, of Iowa's Constitution provideth that "No idiot, or insane person, or person convicted of any infamous crime, shall be entitled to the privilege of an elector."

One should remember, too, that Iowa's state Constitution was drafted and written @ the same time as Iowa's statehood back in 1846--when terms like "idiot" and "moron" were generally accepted as terms for varying degrees of mental disorder.

(Nowadays, of course, "idiot" and "moron" are terms of contempt and offense against those having, or suspected of having, mental illnesses, defects or diseases.)

When will The Hawkeye State get around to actually making the necessary revisions to reflect current circumstances?

Or should we accept that most of the American electorate are "idiots" or otherwise "incapable of making wise decisions or judgements" @ the ballot box?

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SO HOW DO YOU DEFINE AN "UNREGISTERED BUSINESS"? In response to the so-called "Unregistered Church Movement," itself known to have weird and unwholesome associations based on its belief that churches have an ur-Soverign Immunity from obeying laws and regulations of the State and its agencies, you have to wonder how much longer it will be before we see as an "Unregistered Business Movement" with connexions to--you guessed it--weird and unwholesome elements.

The whole being dominated by such scions of capitalism with American characteristics tending to the weird and unwholesome--especially so the ilk of the disreputable, the kind the Better Business Bureau would not recommend as being outright frauds and swindles, the sort as would have especial appeal to the socioeconomically vulnerable and easily-influenced not expected to have any wise sense of consumer education skills.

All in all, holding dear among its articles of faith the belief in "undue and unnecessary regulatory burden" being only "counterproductive" to the free-market capitalistic system and its interrelationship to the "antient and pecuilar soverignty and soverign identity" of the United States--replete with the inevitable anti-Semitic "straw men" and bromides, not to mention veiled notions of suing the Council of Better Business Bureaux, for and on behalf of the Greater BBB Movement, under Section 6 of the Sherman Antitrust Act 1890 (Unlawful Restraint of, or Interference in, Interstate or Foreign Commerce).

Yes--the same Section 6 that certain "spammers" were fond of invoking a few years back to scare innocent e-mail users out of complaining about "spamming" or what was being promoted through such "spam," contending that such complaints were thus actionable (along with the usual platitudes about common-law "rights" to Commercial Free Speech, Conducting a Trade or Livelihood and Privacy of the Person being "jeopardised" by charges of "spamming").

But expect the courts to throw out such a challenge, invoking, more than likely, the suggestion that such was likely to be "frivolous or vexatious" to the point of needlessly depleting court time and resources. Let alone the likelihood for where the "Unregistered Business Movement" is really nothing more than a poster child for cartel behaviour acting under the guise of defending free-market capitalism by trying to equate same with American soverignty and soverign identity.

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With that in mind, let me call your attention to Article XVII, clause 20, of South Dakota's State Constitution ("Monopolies and trusts prohibited--Combinations in restraint of trade--Legislative powers") as an example of why unrestrained cartel behaviour excused as one with the defence of capitalism being that of soverign identity, and vice versa, poses a clear and present moral danger notwithstanding the inevitable invocation of the "Great White Father" Mickey Mouse likely to be deployed:

Monopolies and trusts shall never be allowed in this state and no incorporated company, copartnership or association of persons in this state shall directly or indirectly combine or make any contract with any incorporated company, foreign or domestic, through their stockholders or the trustees or assigns of such stockholders, or with any copartnership or association of persons, or in any manner whatever to fix the prices, limit the production or regulate the transportation of any product or commodity so as to prevent competition in such prices, production or transportation or to establish excessive prices therefor.

The Legislature shall pass laws for the enforcement of this section by adequate penalties and in the case of incorporated companies, if necessary for that purpose may, as a penalty, declare a forfeiture of their franchises.

MEMO TO FOX FROM THE GREAT UNWASHED: Even with some small-scale hype now abroad ahead of American Idol's eighth series debut, methinks we are getting sick and tired of it to the point of where we want to vomit.

After all, the last series thereof saw a rather awful crop of contenders that would make Nelson Eddy sound like Scooby-Doo, come to think of it ... in turn, translating into ratings as were much lower than the previous series in the franchise.

In other words, American Idol may be starting to look less attractive, perhaps about to cross the line into boredom of the highest order. Only made all the worse because of the Writers' Guild strike essentially ending for the season the lion's share of entertainment series and their replacement by all manner of predictably awful programming such as game and "reality" shows which can quickly leave viewers bored to the point of switching off their sets to make their feelings known.

Hence, don't be surprised if we choose to boycott the new series of American Idol wholesale, even if it means a wholesale dilution in the Neilson audience numbers to the point where advertisers start complaining about not getting value for money and advertising revenue dries up faster than a mirage in the Mojave Desert--forcing you to take the loss and offer "make-goods" during the least-attractive parts of the season.

The Great Unwashed are starting to get wise to the notion of American FreeVee being "morally superior" to all other television broadcasters in the known and knowing world. Make no mistake about it.

(Memo to readers: Be sure to pass along the word as above. But do so responsibly.)

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WHAT DO THESE NAMES HAVE IN COMMON?

Benny Hinn.

Creflo Dollar. (Obviously no relation to Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.)

I.V. Hilliard.

Jesse Duplantis.

Give up?

They're all stars of PrayTV, with a nasty little repute for diverting viewer donations (the lion's share thereof coming from the Great Unwashed) to personal use, enough to prompt one Senator to open enquiries into whether certain pseudoreligious ministries may be perverting their tax-exempt status.

As well as former Regents of Oral Roberts University down Tulsa way, itself caught up in serious financial losses to the tune of $50 million (much more, methinks, than the actual value of the real property making up its campus) and a scandal involving misuse of ORU funds for the personal use of the Roberts family, not to mention sexual debaucheries not supposed to exist in a conservative Christian university.

All of which was the byproduct of a pseudoreligious sky pilot who went around claiming that G-d directed him to channel electromagnetic broadcasting energies used in radio and TV broadcasting for purposes of faith healing that even Mary Baker Eddy, The Discoverer and Founder of Christian Science, would find hilariously distasteful.

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AND SOMEHOW, "SITTING UP FOR A SICK FRIEND" WASN'T QUITE GOOD ENOUGH AN EXCUSE:  Your Correspondent hath it that a father from the Twin Cities faces Child Endangerment charges in the wake of his 1½-year-old son being found in his minivan as was parked @ a strip club opposite Stillwater, Minnesota.

The explanation the father gave? He was "going to the store to buy some groceries."

As if that weren't enough, out of Florida comes a story about a Dirty Old Man type seen riding bicycle in close proximity of a municipal swimming pool, only to disembark, take off his clothes and abuse himself, leading to charges of Indecent Exposure that could have been more serious had children in the swimming pool seen what was up.

(The man's explanation: He was out birdwatching, prompting the judge to ask why he needed to go deshabillé for such purposes.)

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EARTH TO HUCKABEE: SHOW US YOUR FACTS, PLEASE! Your Correspondent feels compelled to so ask in the wake of GOP Presidential wannabe Mike Huckabee boasting on CNN this morning that there's "wholehearted" support among small-business owners for his campaign, largely because its articles of faith call for replacing income-based taxation with a "fairer, simpler" consumption-based tax.

Does he have any survey results (preferably such as are, @ the expense of sounding like a broken record, "fair and balanced") that would support such a contention as above suggested?

"Show us your facts, please!"

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SUGGESTED READING TO HELP YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND CONSERVATIVE PROPAGANDA, AND THE TECHNIQUES INVOLVED: From PublicEye.org, an analysis of the dynamics commonly used by conservatives styling themselves as "populists" or promoting populist articles of faith.

(They acknowledge where such is, for now, a "work in progress;" however, they provide some valuable insights to help you better understand the conservative populist paradigm towards encouraging overt challenges of the claims.)

TRY AVOIDING ANY OF THESE WORDS IN YOUR DAILY CONVERSATION: For the 33rd consecutive year, Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan has come out with its Annual List of Words, Phrases and Expressions Henceforth to be Banned from the Queen's English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness.

Which, for 2008, comprises:

• "perfect storm"
• "waterboarding"
• "webinar"
• "organic"
• "wordsmith/ing"
• "author/ed"
• "post-9/11"
• "surge"
• "give back"
• "[A] is the new [B]"
• "Black Friday"
• "back in the day"
• "random"
• "sweet" (especially in youth-culture usage)
• "decimate"
• "emotional"
• "pop"
• "it is what it is"
• "under the bus"

Additionally, "truthiness" has been "restored" to the list. As those entrusted to the annual compendium explain:

This comes after comedians and late-night hosts were thrown under the bus and rendered speechless by a nationwide professional writers' strike. The silence is deafening.

Try figuring out approriate Newspeak replacements therefor.

After all, Newspeak was created as deliberate gibberish to maintain an unswerving and unyielding allegiance to a corrupt and misguided agenda.

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TELL ME IF SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG HERE: A recent trend in "spam" e-mails promoting adult websites Your Correspondent has discerned is where every second word in the Subject line of same will be some class of a made-up nonsense word containing random characters.

An attempt, no doubt, as per usual among the "spam" fraternity, to pervert filtering software programmes among Internet Service Providers (ISP's) and online e-mail services when it comes to "spam," usually consigned to a specially-nominated folder or (in some cases) directly to the trash.

But then again, the e-mail servers will recognise such for what it is: Spam, pure and simple.

Unfortunately, though, such may be an overt violation of the Adult Content Labelling Rule provisions of the CAN-SPAM law in the United States, requiring that unsolicited e-mail containing sexually-explicit or otherwise pornographic material be flagged "[SEXUALLY EXPLICIT]" "up front" in the message Subject line. Your Correspondent, in fact, has not seen the "[SEXUALLY EXPLICIT]" tag in any of the recent crop of "bulk e-mail marketing" for adult sites he's received--and promptly deleted, I will have you know.

And you wonder what kind of defences are being deployed by those so engaging in "spamming" for the sake of depraving the Lower Classes in particular to avoid possible action--one likely such being the patsy that, as the site(s) in question is/are hosted outside the United States' soverign territory, they are not subject to such requirements.

So what is the Federal Trade Commission doing in this instance?

Are they, somehow--and perhaps on the lettres de cachet of His Fraudulency's Great Within--being asked to practice a rather crude form of doublethink (as in promoting themselves as being "For The Consumer" while, in practice, playing footsie with such specimens of "the Four Hundred" as gave substantially to His Fraudulency's campaigns, and expecting rewards for Good and Loyal Service)?

*************

LET'S JUST HOPE ARKANSAS ISN'T SUDDENLY HOME TO A CLANDESTINE KINDERPORN INDUSTRY: With some in the blogosphere suggesting that GOP Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee may have given pardons to Certain Notorious Criminals for purely political reasons, only to commit sadisto murder and rape soon afterwards (and showing no remorse to date), Your Correspondent wonders if The Natural State may suddenly be home to a clandestine child-pornography industry with the sub rosa protection of Governor Huckabee's Administration.

Not unlike that on the Japanese island of Hokkaido as was the subject of this recent "WaiWai" item from Japan's Mainichi Daily News, never mind where questions need to be raised as to its credibility:

Shockwaves continue to reverberate months after the arrest of public elementary school vice principal Takayuki Hosoda on kiddy porn charges, according to Weekly Playboy (12/24-31).

Hosoda is on remand awaiting trial on a charge of violating the law banning child pornography following his arrest in October last year for allegedly paying a 16-year-old schoolgirl „6,000 for sex.

A subsequent police raid on the vice principal's home is said to have unearthed photos of 260 underage girls, 330 DVDs featuring obscene images and a brace of schoolgirl uniforms. Police say Hosoda took obscene photos of over 600 underage girls and sent the images to various lowbrow publications, earning over „18 million in the seven years from 2000.

Hosoda's arrest shocked Hokkaido and some of the more unsavory elements of Japan's publishing industry.

"We adored Hosoda because he'd send us absolutely loads of photos of cute young girls. Photos from Hosoda almost guaranteed better sales," the editor [of] one magazine, made up of readers' photos, tells Weekly Playboy.

There's nothing illegal in taking erotic photos. That is, unless the subject is underage and, like Hosoda is accused of doing, also lured into having sex. Magazines that publish photos of girls under 17 are also liable to prosecution and in the ensuing months since Hosoda's arrest, his apprehension has made the magazines re-think how they do business.

"Frankly speaking, the only way you can tell if a girl in a photo is over 18 is by looking at her. It's a fact that this case has made police look much closer at what we're doing. If we do run a photo of an underage girl and the police can find out exactly who she is and how old she is, that's the end of our magazine," another editor of a readers' contribution magazine says. "Even if we know a girl is 18 or 20, we won't run her photos now if she even looks younger than that because it's too risky. Hokkaido, where Hosoda came from, has traditionally been a great supplier of young girls' photos. I think one reason may be because the girls in the wide open spaces of Hokkaido are a bit more relaxed than in other parts of the country. So we've made sure we pay extra special attention to any submissions we get from Hokkaido."

One man--described only as "M", a Hokkaido resident and a reader of the magazines of the type that Hosoda used to contribute to--says teenage girls in the northernmost island prefecture are ripe for plucking by predators.

"Once women reach their 20s, they've picked up a bit of knowledge about how the world works and they'll very rarely let you take photos of them in the nude. Considering the likelihood they could be used against them, by being posted somewhere or to blackmail them, it's an understandable situation. But girls in their teens are defenseless and will soon strip off for about „5,000 in cash," "M" tells Weekly Playboy. "If someone goes to a matchmaking cafe, they can confirm with their own eyes whether a girl is cute and then negotiate a price if they want to. Since Hosoda's arrest, though, the police have been much stricter on matchmaking cafes. The cafes themselves are also stringently checking the girls' IDs.

"The magazines are still attractive, though. If they run one of your photos, they'll pay around „5,000 for it. Send in a few photos of the same girl and you can get around „20,000. That's enough to pay for the girl, the entrance fee to the matchmaking cafe and a love hotel afterward. It's one way to be able to mix business and pleasure." 

BARNEY FIFE TYPES NEED NOT APPLY: Lewiston, Minnesota (population some 1,500 people), "The Heart of Winona County," has an urgent need for police officers @ this time.

The need being necessitated by the City Council, in special meeting just last night, having fired incumbent police chief Mark Dungy for a series of incidents in the second half of last year tending to insubordination, false witness and conduct casting discredit upon the City of Lewiston. Said meeting eventually collapsing into disorder, forcing the Minnesota State Patrol and Winona County Sheriffs' deputies to maintain order until the mayor adjourned the meeting early

As if that weren't good enough, Lewiston's only other constable, Robbie Floerke, resigned consistent with a prior categorial pledge in the vein of "if [Chief Dungy] goes, then I go."

Thus, leaving The Heart of Winona County @ the potential mercy of elements weird and/or unwholesome styling themselves as a Vigilance Committee--and perhaps attracting the unwelcome Notice and Attention of Fox Noise seeking to whip up The Great Silent Majority's disgust @ the supposedly sorry state of post-9/11 Law and Order in Middle America, same more than likely to undermine any serious opportunity to attract jobs or industry (especially labour-intensive models serving no useful benefit other than arrogant hubris towards a nil unemployment rate within free-market capitalist paradigms).

Making the situation all the more urgent is where the Winona County Sheriff's Department is pleading "limited resources" precluding their being able to provide police protection in the interim.

Hence: Those of you in the Long Arm of the Law, or are otherwise new to same, looking for police positions may want to consider this a Worthwhile Opportunity for a change to a new, happier life in Rural America. However, with Lewiston being a small town, don't expect the pay or benefits to amount to much cf. "the big town."

If interested, please send a feeler with curriculum vitę and qualifications to the City of Lewiston, PO Box 129, Lewiston, MN 55952-0129, or fax same to a/c 507-523-2306 ASAP. Race, colour, sex, religious beliefs, sexual orientation and ethnicity should not matter; all that matters is a willingness to do your job, and do it well.

(Just so you know: Applicants will be subject to background checks and drugs testing as part of the screening process. And may I add that the likes of Ku Kluxers, John Birchers, misguided pseudoreligious, so-called "Minutemen" and other "militia" types and others weird and unwholesome--including such seemingly straight out of Reno 911--need not apply.)

(All police departments are encouraged to copy.)

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FRESH OUT OF TRUCK-DRIVING SCHOOL? STILL CAN'T FIND A DRIVING JOB? Before blaming NAFTA or the nascent "North American Union" for such circumstances you're whining about, consider where a number of motorcoach companies operating scheduled intercity services are seeing a serious shortage of drivers to meet current schedule requirements.

(As if increased fuel and insurance costs weren't bad enough for the industry....)

One such I can think of is Jefferson Lines, the largest regional motorcoach company: A recent item in the LaCrosse gazetta noted where, citing driver shortages inter alii, the one daily round trip they have will be cut back for the time being so that Madison, WI is served only thrice weekly (daily service will continue out of LaCrosse to and from Rochester and the Twin Cities).

Which is where ye with Commercial Drivers' Licences come in (along with a clean driving record and can pass a drugs test): In view of the driver shortage, many scheduled-service operators are likely to be issuing urgent hiring calls for new drivers who can spend plenty of time on the road away from kith and kin, can deal with all manner of weird and quasi-wholesome characters as make up your typical motorcoach passenger--and can do so safely. And because of the shortage, expect many such operators to offer pay bonuses just to fill available vacancies.

Just visit the Jefferson Lines website (link thereto q.v.), go to the Employment section, and find out all you need to know, including how to apply.

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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: The above items announcing job opportunities are purely unofficial, and are based solely on news reportage seen by Your Correspondent. Further, Your Correspondent is posting them solely as a favour and public service to such who may be reading this weblog, and has received no pay or consideration of any kind. Furthermore, this weblog is not an employment agency, nor does it intend to be; it just comes across this information "in the wake of the news," as it were, and feels it worthwhile to make note accordingly, hoping interested parties will do their own research and heuristics.

Said employment opportunities are offered, in compliance with State and Federal equal-opportunity laws, without regards to colour, race, religious belief, sex, sexual orientation, familial status, welfare dependency or national origin. In certain instances, women, veterans and National Minorities are especially encouraged to apply.

Applicants may be required to submit to police background checks, credit-bureau checks and drugs testing.

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CAN AFFORDABLE HOUSING AND ENVIRONMENTALLY-FRIENDLY DESIGN REALLY COEXIST? Even with the housing market in disarray because of the "sub-prime" and "Alt-A" mortgage crises, Your Correspondent understands where there will be a talk @ 17h30 on Saturday, 9 February @ the Eagle Bluff Environmental Learning Centre, 28097 Goodview Dr., Lanesboro, MN 55949-8290, discussing Eco-Friendly Affordable Housing.

Dinner will be served as well; however, reservations are essential.

They can be made by contacting the Centre on freecall 1-888-800-9558 or (if that doesn't work where you come from) on a/c 507-467-2437 during business hours in the Central Time Zone of the United States (UTC-6 hours).

"Wise Use" Zealots and True Believers (especially such with weird and unwholesome associations) are advised not to attend, lest the whole be reduced to disorder and chaos under the right circumstances (especially when Al Cohol comes into the equation).